Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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