the condom got lost in my hair
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
