Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
