Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i will never coherently bang her
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
