just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
