Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i used baking grease as lip gloss
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
