I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
NoShamevember. You game?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
