I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
