i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Drunk is not a location!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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