I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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