Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
