After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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