The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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