i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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