I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Terrible idea I love it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
