So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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