My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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