I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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