theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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