4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
