Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
