I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
