My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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