Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I party with great urgency now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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