I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
