Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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