AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
