I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
