I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I need help removing her.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
