No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
