sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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