it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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