I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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