She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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