so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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