i wish peter jackson would direct porn
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
