We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
