You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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