the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
