And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
