Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
