thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
