who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My feet surprised me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
