Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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