party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Someone signed my nipple.
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