YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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