i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Farmville is her only friend.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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