i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
