hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
