i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
