I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she smelled like a LAN party
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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